Life is still hectic at times, but not as much as it was last time I posted. Everyday I am amazed by God's grace and complete forgiveness. Time and time again, I fail my Savior and He still loves and forgives me. : )

I am still involved with CBF and enjoying hearing what God has laid on Mr. Abernethy's heart each week. I enjoying helping out and being used by God. I am still getting use to it, but am liking it a lot. It is cool to look back and see how far I have come in the past year and even 6 months. God is good. All the time God is good.

I have been blessed with a great boyfriend. We have been dating for 6 months now. : )

Life is hectic... but oh well. I am liking it.

Most people that feel that God is calling them to the mission field are scared God is going to send them to Africa and hear I sit scared that He will not send me.

Back to the start my heart is heavy
Feels like it’s time to dream again
I see the clouds, and yes I’m ready
To dance upon this barren land
Hope in my hands

Do not shut, do not shut,
Do not shut the heavens
But open up, open up,
Open up our hearts

Give me strength to cross the water
Keep my heart upon Your altar
Give me strength to cross this water
Keep my feet don’t let me falter

(the rest of the lyrics on my lyrics blog)

The partial lyrics that are posted above explain kinda how I feel and what I'm asking God. I have been at this one point in my life for about 6 months now and have been "running" from it because I was scared of what God might tell me. I have a deep running passion for the people in Africa and thought and felt for many years that God was calling me to go and serve Him there. Over the last 6 months, God has been laying other ways that I can serve Him in right now. Sadly, Africa is not on the top of that list. :'( I am willing to serve God where every He sends me, but it's hard to realize that your dream, want, and desire is not what He is calling you to do, but is just simply your dream, want, and desire. I sit here and just simply ask God to Keep my feet and don’t let me falter. I only want to serve where God would have me serve (as much as it scares me).


This song is my prayer:

Lord, it’s so amazing to me that Your love would break sins shackles and set a captive free And why in all of Heaven would You reach down Your hand to mend a broken vessel or to use a sin stained man. May my feet walk only the path You’ve walked before me May my hands share the weight of another in need May my voice resound with honor the praises of Your glory May Your life be the reflection that others see in me So Lord the gifts You’ve given to me, I now commit to You and lay them at Your feet Please take them and anoint them with boldness and with grace, so those You place before me will desire to seek You’re face

Re o bama
Re i koba
Naong tsa go Jesu

Lo lorato
Le legolo
Naong tsa go Jesu

O boitshepo, boitshepo
O boitshepo, boitshepo
O boitshepo, boitshepo
O kwana



------------------------------------------------

I'm trying really hard.

I went in on Retreat with the college group I attend on Wednesday nights (CBF). We went up to Winston Salem to a church called Marshall Baptist Church. I had a great time being able to fellowship with other believers my age and learn about God. The group went to the park to play Frisbee golf and a couple of us played a game of volleyball. It was nice to be able to get away from the stress, relax, and have fun.

Hey Rich if you read this: I MISS YOU!!!! I <3 ya bro!

It's interesting how your outlook on things differ when you haven't gotten much sleep. Tired and stressed I feel as if I am going to break out into an uncontrollable scream. Who knows? It might help.



Isaiah 41:10-
Fear thou not; for I with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

I am not as stressed as I was earlier. Richard and Samantha were able to stay with me here at the hospital so that helped my stress levels to go some....

I am having an allergic reaction to something and have a few hives. lol... go me! ;)

Wow, It's almost 3 and I am still going.

Well, I am going to go check on Maw Maw...

Night! :-/

WoW! It has been awhile since my stress levels have been so high. I wish I could trade places with her. The lonely nights spent in the hospital with her alone are the hardest.



I am battling jealousy and selfishness all at once. Quite frankly, I feel as if I am losing the battles I am in.

The tempting lifestyle from my past is knocking at my door. I am not use to feeling my feelings. I am use to making myself "numb" to the fact that I hurt. Sometimes I just want to crawl back into my "shell" and stay there. I want to run and hide.

What good does any of that do??

None. None, whatsoever.

Sometimes, I feel as if I can't carry the burden given to me. That's when I have to stop and evaluate my prayer life and daily walk with my Heavenly Father. I can not carry the burden alone, ONLY through His Strength, by asking Him to help me, and being willing to let Him help me.




It's SO hard not to run millions of miles in the other directions. God will never leave us or forsake us. :)

3 April 2008

Life has been rough the last month or so. I am have not been able to sleep but nothing really new there. I mss my brother and wish he was here so I could hang out with him I am only working PT at Mc Donald's. I am trying to put God first and not let Satan get control again. Every day is a struggle for me. God has been right beside me evey step of the way. :) I am enjoying learning how to fully depend on God and not doing everything all on my own. I am going to see if I can finish writing at least one of the two poems I started writing last night. ;)